I’m not one to ask if I ABSOLUTELY feel that I can get through it by myself. It is how I was raised. ‘Tough it out, you’ll be fine.’ I’ve done this for years. So each day I would get up, go to work, smile, make it through the day as best I could and come home doing it all over again the next day. I’d even bring work home, sit at my sons baseball games or while I sat with my family in the evening not paying attention to them at all. I didn’t realize that it was the environment in which I worked and the people there that contributed to what was happening to me. It wasn’t until it got to be too much that a couple trips to the doctors over a nine month time frame took me out of work for stress. Sure you can say, ‘stress is nothing, whatever’, but it is something.
It got the point that on college visits for my son, I didn’t remember a school that we visited; I couldn’t remember conversations with my husband, I pushed away my friends, I would forget important dates, have nightmares, anxiety, lose sleep, couldn’t eat, snapped at people, everything wrong was happening. I got really scared and didn’t know what was going on. That is when I broke down, literally, and asked for help. I first went to my husband and then the doctors who after just a couple visits diagnosed me with PTSD. Yea, it isn’t just something soldiers who have experienced traumatic experiences come home with, you can have symptoms too. I’m just fortunate enough that I was that scared to have gone to my husband for the support that I needed and for the guidance to get help. I don’t know where I would be today if I didn’t.
After much therapy and a lot of time to heal, my outlook is better than it has been in a long time. I’m no longer in the environment I was in and I’m looking for the right one- which will come along in time. I still have triggers but to not be around the people who caused the trauma and stress is a blessing in itself.
In response to Daily Prompt: Take Care