Remove the expectations this Valentine’s

Valentine’s Day. A day filled with heart shaped boxes, jewelry, chocolate, dreams, and expectations. 

Some people may have been married on this day and celebrating a special occasion, others may have had their hearts broken, and others just may not relate at all.  I used to have expectations for the day just like everyone else but over the years I’ve become tired of the commercialization that stores and television put on Valentine’s Day. It forces expectations on people instead of letting it happen naturally and spontaneously. It takes the unknown out of life and makes people have to react that is why I am more inclined to just have a quiet retreat and spend a day, other than Valentine’s with my husband somewhere. No frills, no candy, no hoopla- no expectations. 
Daily Prompt: Expectations

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Enough is enough

Today I discovered that I am way to trusting. I give people the benefit of the doubt when really I should be second guessing people and their motives. I should be asking the questions:

Why are you being so nice to me?

What do you want?

What is in it for me?

I have been lied to. I’ve given way too much of my time and energy to care when I really shouldn’t, and I invest time where it should be spent on other important things. Why do I do it?  Am I just a fool?  I am beginning to think so. I’m so over all the drama, the lack of communication and others lack of respect that I am throwing in the towel folks- enough is enough.

I also am so very, very tired of having to be the one to reach out to people. I have said it once and I am saying it again- it is not a single lane road but a two lane highway.  It goes both ways.  Its give and take, not just take. I am not wired that way. Most people aren’t. If you are then I’m sorry, please seek assistance. Communication and interactions with individuals cannot be only one way. It has to go both and without open communication there is no true communication in this world.  That is probably why there is so much drama out there.

I will jump off my soap box now but remember:

Two lanes, not one. Enough is enough.

The Unlikely Timing of Information

Information comes to us in many different ways. The best information comes to us at the most unlikely times and it is this information that we are the most surprised with when it catches us off guard. Kind of like throwing out the life preserver because you need support and you find that the line is split and there is no one to help you.

I guess I have a couple things going through my head right now:

1. I am stumped when I hear that people expect you to know something when there is no indication that you should have known it. Or you start something and find out that nothing works the way it should but there is a lack of urgency to get things fixed, however, you should know how to make it happen for you. I don’t know why this is, or where these people come from who make these broad assumptions but do they really think that it is ok to catch someone off guard and be alright with it?

2. It is like trying to rely on a friend to be there. You expect them to be compassionate and sincere when you “need” them and find out that they don’t care a bit about what is going on in your life to be there for you at all. You’ve reached out and “poof” you get nothing in return. No compassion, no sympathy, no depth to the emotion that you are feeling, just plain pathetic contact. Who are these people? You’ve given them “your” time and devotion when things went wrong in their life and they can’t give their time now. WOW! Reality check.

3. I am having a hard time with people who expect you to contact them out of the blue because the phone works two ways and they think that you should always be the one to make contact first. I thought Alexander Graham Bell designed the phone to work in a way to make a conversation work from either end. I didn’t think it was only a one-sided adventure. Am I wrong on that?

I guess I am just getting older and looking at things from a different way of life these days. Maybe I am just wishing people would open their eyes and be a little more personable.  

 

A view on expectations- Are we too hard on ourselves?

Expectations. We all have them. We either have them for ourselves or someone else has them for us. We ourselves even have them for other people. In the work setting there are standards and expectations that you are to meet on a daily basis and if they aren’t met then there are consequences. At home as a child, there is the expectation that you are to listen and abide by the rules your parents have put into motion. In school there is the expectation that students will listen to the lessons and turn in their homework (on time). As you drive down the road, there is the expectation that you will abide by the posted speed limit (not sure how many follow this one); and in relationships with others there is the expectation that you can trust in them either as a friend or companion.

There are so many expectation that I could go on and on, but you get the point. No matter what we do there is an associated expectation. So I ask, why is it that people place such high expectations on each other when they know they will never meet them? Are we a society so driven to meet and achieve these expectations that we will do anything to get there? Are there that many overachievers in the world today?

I questioned myself on expectations that were placed on me. Was it too much. We’re they reasonable. Did the expectations even fit into the scheme of what was needed to complete the task. Am I being too unreasonable. Should i even trust this person with the information that I’ve shared with them… Sometimes we will do anything to meet or exceed the expectations that are placed on us only to be told ‘it wasn’t good enough’, ‘you needed to do a better job’, ‘I can’t believe you trusted that person’ and so on and so on.

So, can we do anything about setting expectations too high? I think that is a question everyone needs to ask themselves. Are you okay with just meeting the expectations and having expectations just met for you? Or, is there a happy medium somewhere out there for those overachievers.

Expectations are a hard lesson to learn in life and it takes a lot of them to master and break before we get the right feel for where we are comfortable and what we can give.

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” – William Shakespeare