Lessons I learned from having a Mentor

What is a mentor? Simple question right? I ask this because for years I had one, or thought I did and they turned out to not really help me much at all in the end. They derailed me more than anything. So I will give you some advise on what to look for instead to help you find someone to help you with your quest for success.

1. Find someone who matches your career focus. What is it you want to succeed in and go after that professional person.

2. Communicate openly about what skill set you are looking to achieve and what you would like help them to groom you in. If you aren’t open to change or get advice it won’t be beneficial.

3. Have regular meetings to check in. The best thing you can do is regularly meet to gain perspective and check in with your mentor. Learning is how you become successful.

4. Watch them at their game. You learn by doing and by observing. See if you can tag along with them to meetings or find out what conferences or events they may be at. They are your best resource for improvement and to learn from to be your best.

5. Failure is possible and is OK. It is a learning possibility and not a setback which is why a good mentor will have failed as well. Learn from your mistakes and listen to the advice on how to correct them.

So listen, learn and succeed with a good mentor. I made my mistakes with the one I had and now I hope you can learn something too.

Good luck.

DailyPrompt: Mentor

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When you have an inkling

For the last six months I haven’t felt like things are right.

When you do everything in your power to make a client happy and you have another your company feels you failed at. Everything you do gives you an inkling that you aren’t doing the right things or that no matter how hard you try you just can’t rebound from a failure.

I know that in some companies it is one and done. You fail you are out of there. In others they like to see you fail because you learn from your mistakes; in this one, it is more like certain people can fail and they get a free pass but if you fail there is a higher expectation and you are made to feel as if you are not worth being at the company any longer.

So I have an inkling things are different and going to change. It isn’t fair even though life isn’t fair but if I were to have to leave the company then maybe it is a good thing. Failure helps you learn, it helps you grow and with some things it isn’t just one persons fault that you fail. In this case it is multiple issues that bubbles up to result in a failure, therefore, should one be held to the higher standard and have it hang over their head? No but then again that would be poor management.

So it is an inkling I have that because of how management is and because of the standard they hold some to and not all the company may or may not survive. They may and may not make profits and they may and may not have those who work hardest to support the overall company goals around because of their knee jerk reactions.

DailyPrompt: Inkling

Let me entertain you….

Let me entertain you, Let me make you smile.

How many remember that line from Gypsy? I may be dating myself but it seems that we always have to entertain people everyday.

We have to smile, put on our face, go out of our way to make others happy when in fact who goes out of their way to do the same for us?

I was told recently that I should smile more. Really? Smile more. I’m not a fake and phony smile kind of gal. I smile when I need to or want to and don’t do it on demand so to tell me I have to smile more is too demanding. It is making me perform something I am uncomfortable doing. In fact, it makes me feel as if I have a perma-smile on and can’t get it to go away. Like the Joker in Batman.

So if I want to entertain you with my smile let me be me. Let it come naturally and while I am being genuine.

Forcing someone to do something or be someone they are not isn’t entertaining at all. If you feel the need to see someone smile, make them laugh. Best entertainment ever.

Daily Prompt: Entertain

Remove the expectations this Valentine’s

Valentine’s Day. A day filled with heart shaped boxes, jewelry, chocolate, dreams, and expectations. 

Some people may have been married on this day and celebrating a special occasion, others may have had their hearts broken, and others just may not relate at all.  I used to have expectations for the day just like everyone else but over the years I’ve become tired of the commercialization that stores and television put on Valentine’s Day. It forces expectations on people instead of letting it happen naturally and spontaneously. It takes the unknown out of life and makes people have to react that is why I am more inclined to just have a quiet retreat and spend a day, other than Valentine’s with my husband somewhere. No frills, no candy, no hoopla- no expectations. 
Daily Prompt: Expectations

Enough is enough

Today I discovered that I am way to trusting. I give people the benefit of the doubt when really I should be second guessing people and their motives. I should be asking the questions:

Why are you being so nice to me?

What do you want?

What is in it for me?

I have been lied to. I’ve given way too much of my time and energy to care when I really shouldn’t, and I invest time where it should be spent on other important things. Why do I do it?  Am I just a fool?  I am beginning to think so. I’m so over all the drama, the lack of communication and others lack of respect that I am throwing in the towel folks- enough is enough.

I also am so very, very tired of having to be the one to reach out to people. I have said it once and I am saying it again- it is not a single lane road but a two lane highway.  It goes both ways.  Its give and take, not just take. I am not wired that way. Most people aren’t. If you are then I’m sorry, please seek assistance. Communication and interactions with individuals cannot be only one way. It has to go both and without open communication there is no true communication in this world.  That is probably why there is so much drama out there.

I will jump off my soap box now but remember:

Two lanes, not one. Enough is enough.

The Unlikely Timing of Information

Information comes to us in many different ways. The best information comes to us at the most unlikely times and it is this information that we are the most surprised with when it catches us off guard. Kind of like throwing out the life preserver because you need support and you find that the line is split and there is no one to help you.

I guess I have a couple things going through my head right now:

1. I am stumped when I hear that people expect you to know something when there is no indication that you should have known it. Or you start something and find out that nothing works the way it should but there is a lack of urgency to get things fixed, however, you should know how to make it happen for you. I don’t know why this is, or where these people come from who make these broad assumptions but do they really think that it is ok to catch someone off guard and be alright with it?

2. It is like trying to rely on a friend to be there. You expect them to be compassionate and sincere when you “need” them and find out that they don’t care a bit about what is going on in your life to be there for you at all. You’ve reached out and “poof” you get nothing in return. No compassion, no sympathy, no depth to the emotion that you are feeling, just plain pathetic contact. Who are these people? You’ve given them “your” time and devotion when things went wrong in their life and they can’t give their time now. WOW! Reality check.

3. I am having a hard time with people who expect you to contact them out of the blue because the phone works two ways and they think that you should always be the one to make contact first. I thought Alexander Graham Bell designed the phone to work in a way to make a conversation work from either end. I didn’t think it was only a one-sided adventure. Am I wrong on that?

I guess I am just getting older and looking at things from a different way of life these days. Maybe I am just wishing people would open their eyes and be a little more personable.  

 

A view on expectations- Are we too hard on ourselves?

Expectations. We all have them. We either have them for ourselves or someone else has them for us. We ourselves even have them for other people. In the work setting there are standards and expectations that you are to meet on a daily basis and if they aren’t met then there are consequences. At home as a child, there is the expectation that you are to listen and abide by the rules your parents have put into motion. In school there is the expectation that students will listen to the lessons and turn in their homework (on time). As you drive down the road, there is the expectation that you will abide by the posted speed limit (not sure how many follow this one); and in relationships with others there is the expectation that you can trust in them either as a friend or companion.

There are so many expectation that I could go on and on, but you get the point. No matter what we do there is an associated expectation. So I ask, why is it that people place such high expectations on each other when they know they will never meet them? Are we a society so driven to meet and achieve these expectations that we will do anything to get there? Are there that many overachievers in the world today?

I questioned myself on expectations that were placed on me. Was it too much. We’re they reasonable. Did the expectations even fit into the scheme of what was needed to complete the task. Am I being too unreasonable. Should i even trust this person with the information that I’ve shared with them… Sometimes we will do anything to meet or exceed the expectations that are placed on us only to be told ‘it wasn’t good enough’, ‘you needed to do a better job’, ‘I can’t believe you trusted that person’ and so on and so on.

So, can we do anything about setting expectations too high? I think that is a question everyone needs to ask themselves. Are you okay with just meeting the expectations and having expectations just met for you? Or, is there a happy medium somewhere out there for those overachievers.

Expectations are a hard lesson to learn in life and it takes a lot of them to master and break before we get the right feel for where we are comfortable and what we can give.

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” – William Shakespeare